teleportationIt’s been noted before that old people suck at new technology. I get frightening e-mails in response when I send an attached file to my grandma. These responses tend to include about a hundred exclamation and question marks requesting detailed instructions as to how the story I was sharing managed to crash her computer.

But I shouldn’t make fun because I am certain that I will indeed someday fill the old grandpa role with the new technology that comes out in about fifty years.

My grandson will try and visit by using the teleporter that was recently bought for me, and I’ll be the stodgy old guy insisting he drive like we did in the old days. “But I can’t drive, you live on Saturn,” he’ll insist. “Oh you’ll find any excuse to not visit your ole grandpa,” I’ll lay on the guilt.

So he’ll break down the usage of the teleporter to bare-boned instructions: 1) Press the green power button. 2) Type in the address. 3) click the accept button, and so on in the way you would describe Microsoft Outlook to a fresh college grad temp.

And yet I’d still manage to screw up his teleportation visit. He’d arrive as an elbow, or just show up in the neighbor’s teleporter, or send myself to Jupiter. To which I’d quickly boot up my e-mail and send him a rapid help request. One with a plethora of exclamation and question marks.