stock_market_downYou know the economy is bad when even I can tell you information about it. If business news has become so prevelant that it’s invaded the sources I prowl then things have really gotten bad. So in between taseteless jokes about sex and race, even I can interject that the dollar is weak and real estate is a bad investment. I’m like J.P. Merrill Lynch over here.

And so I present my grand scheme to save the American economy:

We should stop adjusting numbers for inflation.

Y’know whenever they say that a movie made $20 in 1938, but $400 Million adjusted for inflation? Yeah, well, stop. It made $20 because people had to pay a penny for a film. We should keep that the same.

Who is this inflation guy? Why do we have to change all our numbers to make him happy. Stop changing the numbers out of protest. Just leave them the same. The rest of the economy will fall into place.

Also, we should take away the country’s credit card. Debit system only. We have this huge national debt in like trillions of dollars. Who’s still lending us money?

If a guy owed you 25 trillion dollars, would you lend him a twenty?