Hot stoneMy birthday recently passed and my girlfriend got me an awesome birthday present, and even though hers is a while away, it made me start thinking about what to get her.

I had a really difficult time with this, not because I don’t know her, but because I have no clue what girls – as in the three billion of them on Earth – actually like.

I was going through every possible birthday present idea, but they all came down to stuff that I would like and nothing that she would really gush over and would think was awesome. And since I’m ultra-competitive, my presents don’t have to be great, they just have to be better than any present she ever received from an ex.

But then I had an idea.

I started thinking of the exact opposite of what would be the ideal present for me. Once I started brain storming in the vein of, What would be the worst night imaginable for me, the ideas started rolling. It was fantastic. Now I can take her to a really pretentious restaurant that charges a ton of money for small portions of food that doesn’t involve either ‘chicken’ or ‘fingers.’ The other customers will all be pretentious douches who think that understanding a 300-strong wine list is a sign of intelligence, and then maybe I can have her get a back rub by a shirtless Scandinavian guy who will order her not to move so as to not throw off the chi being emitted by the stones balancing on her spine.

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