Don't worry, already fired

Don't worry, already fired

The title of this post sounds like I’ve allowed black people into my dreams.

I like it when you’re in a deep sleep and your alarm goes off or your phone rings or a lawnmower starts outside and instead of waking up, you just integrate the noise into whatever dream you’re having.

I got a new phone and the first night it’s alarm went off, it started playing some sort of xylophone beat that you’d hear in Trinidad or the 34th Street subway platform.

The thing was that I was in a deep sleep having a great dream about sitting on the beach with all these beautiful girls and friends I enjoy hanging out with, all having a blast. And then some idiot was like, “Hey, who’s up for a xylophone contest?”

But instead of putting up with, “No, no, I’m sleeping and comfortable and don’t ever want to leave this because it’s awesome,” the guy was like, “I’m just gonna bang these xylophones really loud until you leave this utopia dream land.”

Even if you hit the snooze button, head back to sleep and get back to the perfect beach, goddamn xylophone guy is like, “Has it been ten minutes? How bout another xylophone contest everyone!”