History's whitest criminal

History's whitest criminal

One of the nice things about being a broke college student is that you don’t have to worry about things like identity theft. In fact, my financial situation is so bad that I’ve actually developed pity for someone who steals my identity.

What are the criminals really going to walk away with? Upwards of $50,000 worth of college creditors after him on a daily basis, not to mention the embarrassment of getting all my credit cards declined at the super market. In fact, having my identity stolen sounds like a nice change of pace.

Fankly, I feel bad for my prospective robber. He’s going to steal all of my money and borrow on credit, and still will take a girl out and have his/my card denied.

It’s embarrassing that not only can I not do this, but I’m cock-blocking a cunning master of technological manipulation.