Insert your face for memories that will last a lifetime.

Insert your face for memories that will last a lifetime.

There’s a lot of controversy going on about whether Guantanamo should be closed. But it seems to me that with wide-open spaces in warm-weather locations completely fenced off and vacated we’re missing the perfect opportunity to convert them into amusement parks.

Not only regular Six Flags amusement parks, but terrorist detainee-themed amusement parks. Let’s just talk about for starters. You could insert your head through a poster of the naked prisoner pyramid and pose for a picture with those thumbs held high.

Then y’know that test of endurance at the arcade where you sit in an electric chair and see how long you can sit there while holding onto the medical electric current handles? Yeah, well now you can’t let go. Yay, fun!

Bumper cars, except you stand in the middle of the arena trying to dodge everyone.

Water rides that stay underwater for a solid minute.

Look at the success of Alcatraz: a jail becomes a tourist attraction. Now if we can get Universal Studios signed on, we’ve solved two industries’ woes with one ingenious and heartpounding solution.