You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘health’ tag.

Do what you can to get out of NY apartment

Do what you can to get out of NY apartment

This one will probably annoy a lot of people, but those are the ones that tend to get all the traffic, so let’s go for it. Why is that joggers always get raped, mugged and sexually assaulted? Shouldn’t they be jogging? I mean, how in-shape are these rapists?

This makes no sense to me. They’re already jogging. How important can the jogging routine possibly be that you’ll refuse to run any faster when you see a guy with a knife? Does the willingness to get assaulted outweigh the conditioning that’s dependent on a consistent heart rate from steady pacing?

This is why you always hear about joggers getting assaulted. You never read a news article about a runner being attacked. Or a sprinter. They’re good. They’re really running. Very few rapists target the marathon. No stamina.

And how are all these rapists getting in such tip-top shape to catch up with these joggers? Is this an LA Fitness class that I haven’t heard about? “Are you hear for Abs Express?” “Nah, where’s rape cross-training?”

Although now that I think about it, rapists should be the motivation for people to start running. How about a campaign to solve obesity and overcrowded prisons at the same time? We release the rapists – we’ll keep collars on them so they know where they are and when they’ve gone too far – and they stalk lazy folk. This gets people jogging, and more importantly, gets them jogging fast.

No more assaults on joggers because they’ll all be better runners.

Advertisements
The Swine Flu, Hepititis, Plague express

The Swine Flu, Hepititis, Plague express

Everyone in Los Angeles is terrified about Swine Flu, which they really shouldn’t be because no one in Los Angeles ever interacts with other people. Your average Los Angelino is face-to-face with an average of two real people per month (made-up stat), and it tends not to be the person who gets Swine Flu.

But their problem is that on the oft-chance that they are around someone with the disease, they’re screwed because they haven’t built up their immune system. I, on the other hand, will be perfectly fine because I ride the bus.

Do you have any idea how much the Los Angeles Metro strengthens the immune system? I’ve had diseases that don’t even have names because they can only exist in the stale environment of the Vermont Boulevard rapid line.

I think I’ve already had Swine Flu a half-dozen times in the last month. People bring their cattle and livestock on the bus with them, it’s really nothing new.

You car-drivers are the ones in trouble. Yeah your odds are low because you never have to talk to another human being, but on the chance that you encounter the disease, you’re screwed. You’re not ready. You’ve never been on the bus.

happy_toothY’know when you haven’t eaten in a while and then you bite into something ultra-sweet, like an oreo or a chocolate bar and you get that shot of pleasure through the nerves connected to your teeth?

I wonder if this is technically the tooth-equivalent of an orgasm. I mean you have all the nerve endings there and it’s that brief but awesome feeling of pleasure.

I think if you achieve this feeling by eating something that’s nothing but sugar and chocolate then it’s the masturbation version, right? I mean it still feels great for the shot of pleasure but afterwards you feel kind pathetic and fat and depressed.

On the other hand, if the feeling of tooth-nerve nirvana is achieved by having a salad or something really healthy, that would be like the Buddhist zen tantra version where you can supposedly sustain tooth heaven for hours on end and brag about it to all your ordinary “Westernized” friends.

Twitter Feed

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

August 2019
M T W T F S S
« Apr    
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
Advertisements