You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘relationships’ tag.

Next week: 2012

Advertisements

Next week’s episode: A Christmas Carol

Next week: Saw VI

Does Johnson & Johnson Shampoo's no-tear promise refer to the sex?

Does Johnson & Johnson Shampoo's no-tear promise refer to the sex?

Everyone knows that sex in the shower is overrated as it is. Someone is always freezing, there’s too many soapy chemicals around that don’t have that Johnson & Johnson no-tears promise (unrelated to the sex), you can always slip and get into some Final Destination-type hilarity injury. But to compound that is if you make the awful decision to go down on the girl while you’re in the shower.

I don’t know if it’s the cascade of the water, the angle, the position of your face or head, but if you get the wrong volume of water flowing in the wrong direction, then I think that is how you can waterboard yourself in the shower.

You feel like you’re drowning, water is pouring over your face, there’s a light covering over your nose so you’re not sure if you can breathe, but you can’t leave because that makes you seem unmanly. It constantly feels like you’re drowning and you don’t have any say in the matter, basically you are being waterboarded.

So then the real question then becomes Is there a way that women can use this as a form of torture to gain information?

Guys are already doing this so that we can get something in return in the first place, so how can girls leverage this more to the advantage of the American people? The solution would appear to be that we send in American girls to remote areas of Pakistan to rope potential terrorists into long-term relationships.

They get a little closer, the sex gets a little wilder, and within a few weeks, we’ve got the Taliban right where we want him. And the genius of this plan is that it wouldn’t be torture at all because he’s waterboarding himself by choice.

The Taliban would think that they’re going to get something in return later, so they go down on the girl and, in effect, waterboard themselves. Then they realize that it would be unchivalrous to expect reciprocation, so they’re now in this quandary where they are being water boarded and they’re going to have to do more for the girl in order to get something in return. And through this torture, that’s when our spies could ask where their friends hang out when he says that he’s “Just going for a beer.” The terrorist, thinking that she’s building up trust so that she can justify a blow job later, then reveals the location of the terrorist training camp.

And that’s how you win the war on terror and Afghan body odor at the same time.

A spotted owl-themed restaurant

A spotted owl-themed restaurant

Does anyone know if there’s a theory that explains an evolutionary reasoning as to why women can identify if other women are attractive, while men struggle at determining if other men are good looking?

I remember someone telling me about a survey conducted where eight women and eight men were put in a room together for ten minutes. They were then individually asked who they thought was the hottest man and who they thought was the hottest woman.

All the men agreed on who the hottest woman was, and all the women agreed on who the hottest man was. But here’s the twist: all the women also agreed on who was the hottest woman and none of the men agreed on who was the hottest man. In other words, women are much better at identifying beauty in their own sex than men.

I have my own theory as to why this is:

Maybe it is so that if women are hanging out in a group together, and a man comes over to hit on one, they know which one he is going for.

Wouldn’t that make sense? The modern version of this is in a bar, when a group of girls are out for drinks. A guy will come over and pretend to be nice to everyone so that he can sleep with one of the girls. If girls didn’t know which one was hot, they’d have no idea as to which one the guy was interested in. But because they know – on some level – they can use that information to their advantage. Thus we have the evolutionary development of the cock block.

Not so much comedy today, but really curious about this from a sociological standpoint if anyone has some insight.

Now with a You've-been-dumped rebate offer

Now with a You've-been-dumped rebate offer

Have you ever tried to time the start or end of a relationship around holidays which would otherwise require you to spend money?

It’s a really fine line to walk, if you start dating someone two-weeks or a month before Valentine’s Day or a birthday. You don’t want to have to blow a lot of cash, but you also want to seem interested.

Although, if you want to look at it another way, it does even out in the long run, because you get the money back at the tail-end of the relationship, right? It’s sort of like your rent deposit. You might have to pay for the present up front.

Like let’s say you start dating someone just before their birthday, and you gotta shell out for flowers or teddy bears or whatever girls like. But then at the end, let’s say Valentine’s Day or Christmas is looming, suddenly you’ve got a deadline to get out. Plus a financial incentive. It’s like a tax break for people who only enjoy company up to a point.

Cherry aphrodisiac

Cherry aphrodisiac

I recently slept with a girl. A few days later I came down with a sore throat, nagging cough and runny nose. Looking back, I remembered the girl saying that she had recently been sick.

This makes me wonder: if you have sex with someone and catch the flu, does it count as an STD?

I guess the easy answer is No, because you can catch the flu in other ways. However, if you want to look at it like that, then certain STDs should be disqualified because you can get some of those without having sex as well.

For example you can spread herpes by sharing underwear, so why is it an STD? Or you can give someone AIDS by trading needles. Or you can get pregnant by sitting on an unclean toilet seat, not that pregnancy is an STD (well, depends on who you ask actually).

I think the moral is to have yourself tested for all diseases before becoming sexually active. Not just chlamydia or crabs, but the flu, chicken pox and other transmittable STDs as well.

Twitter Feed

Error: Please make sure the Twitter account is public.

May 2019
M T W T F S S
« Apr    
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  
Advertisements