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Torrent downloading (O.S.)

Torrent downloading (O.S.)

It’s incredible how much I find myself bargaining for a few extra minutes of sleep every morning, when the concept of time seems absolutely worthless every night.

If my alarm clock had such a setting, I think I would easily throw on a three-minute snooze button, because of that negotiating committee that enters my head at around 7:15 A.M. You even start calculating if the crappiness of the song you wake up to can be sustained for the eighteen more seconds of sleep that you think will make the difference.

But at night, the idea of minutes being valuable is worthless. It’ll circle around one O’Clock in the morning and suddenly it seems like that’s the perfect idea to start reading the Wikipedia entry on World War One. As though surely I won’t regret that decision in the morning, which is now in ten minutes.

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Don't worry, already fired

Don't worry, already fired

The title of this post sounds like I’ve allowed black people into my dreams.

I like it when you’re in a deep sleep and your alarm goes off or your phone rings or a lawnmower starts outside and instead of waking up, you just integrate the noise into whatever dream you’re having.

I got a new phone and the first night it’s alarm went off, it started playing some sort of xylophone beat that you’d hear in Trinidad or the 34th Street subway platform.

The thing was that I was in a deep sleep having a great dream about sitting on the beach with all these beautiful girls and friends I enjoy hanging out with, all having a blast. And then some idiot was like, “Hey, who’s up for a xylophone contest?”

But instead of putting up with, “No, no, I’m sleeping and comfortable and don’t ever want to leave this because it’s awesome,” the guy was like, “I’m just gonna bang these xylophones really loud until you leave this utopia dream land.”

Even if you hit the snooze button, head back to sleep and get back to the perfect beach, goddamn xylophone guy is like, “Has it been ten minutes? How bout another xylophone contest everyone!”

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May 2019
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